Author's Note: This is a journal entry about someone standing in the rain. I wrote it about somebody waiting on a dark street corner to be picked up.
The cold, darkness of the street corner,
drowns me in rain.
I stand here, alone,
waiting for them to come.
When, oh when.
When will this darkness end,
when will the rain stop?
Here they come,
down the dark, dark, street.
Forever, and ever I wait here,
alone.
What should take seconds,
seems to take years.
Decades I stand,
the icy droplets engulfing me.
Alone, alone.
They drive so slow.
But why?
Where does this get them?
Lightnig thrashes,
thunder crashes,
and I am still alone.
Please hurry up, I beg.
Please, please.
As the rain continues pouring down on me,
they are only a few feet away.
Coming around the bend,
I am jumping with joy.
Or am I just shivering,
freezing from the rain?
The car pulls up,
and I hop in.
With the heater on,
my fingers thaw.
Nothing is better than this,
the warmth capturing me,
in its cozy embrace.
they are only a few feet away.
Coming around the bend,
I am jumping with joy.
Or am I just shivering,
freezing from the rain?
The car pulls up,
and I hop in.
With the heater on,
my fingers thaw.
Nothing is better than this,
the warmth capturing me,
in its cozy embrace.
This is a really pretty piece. It's very intense, and uses a lot of literary devices like hyperboles (pretending something is bigger than it is for effect purposes, with the seconds being years part and the phrase about waiting for decades) and metaphors (the part where you speak of the rain as being 'icy droplets'). Yes, I know, I'm a semantic device nerd. (: Great job anyway, Cara!!
ReplyDeleteI very much enjoyed this poem. The symbolism is quite completely tragic, and at the end, you pull it out to an optimistic conclusion. As I read, perhaps because I am such an English nerd, I was asking myself as reader, what the rain was, what the storm was, and what the warmth was -- each as symbols of course. I am intensely curious to see if you have any thoughts on this, or if the ideas just came to you, and you ended on a comic note for different reasons.
ReplyDeleteI forgot to add that I see some real improvement here in the discipline of your word usage. Nicely done.
ReplyDeleteThis was a really good poem, I liked how I could really relate to the person waiting. The word choice was really good, and it enhanced the image of the person standing there, waiting. You might want to look it over, because there were some spelling errors, but it was really good!
ReplyDeleteHaven't we all felt this way when waiting for something? The way you put the emphasis on the impatience and how the rain makes it worse, like how it makes seconds seem like years, was inspired. (yep. I'm using big words now.) The description of the bliss of getting out of the cold and into the warm car was also fantastic. Great work.
ReplyDeleteCool poem. The repetition really enhanced parts of it. This would have made a great tragic poem but the way you turned it around was very cool too.
ReplyDelete